‘If I pay for it, it's mine’: Daughter refuses to let mom read her therapy homework after mom claims she's entitled to it since she pays for therapy, mom reads it anyway

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Dec 1, 2025 6:00 PM EST

Even if we don't like it, many adults find themselves still leaning on their parents long after they thought they would. Adult life is a lot harder than we anticipated, and yes, that often means we still need our parents' help even after we move out or spread our metaphorical wings.

That doesn't mean we shouldn't be careful about what we ask of our parents. While some people are graced with parents who give and expect nothing in return, others are not so lucky. Many of us know that a deal with a parent is a lot more complicated than that.

Just like the 28-year-old daughter in the story below. Her childhood was filled with family struggles, especially thanks to her entitled mom. This led the daughter to seek therapy as an adult, but she could not afford it. Her mom offered to pay for the therapy, but since she is not the kind of parent who gives anything for free, this offer came with a hidden price.

It wasn't long before the daughter learned what the price was, and realized it was only damaging the progress she had made in therapy so far…

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  • AITA for refusing to let my mom read my therapy homework even though she is paying for it?

    So I (28F) started therapy about 5 months ago for anxiety, people pleasing and general "my family is a lot" stuff.
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • Woman Journaling in Bed at Night
    via Truecreatives

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My mom (55F) offered to pay for the first year because my insurance is trash and I honestly wouldnt have gone otherwise.
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • I was super grateful. The issue is my mom has a very "if I pay for it, its mine" attitude.
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • Growing up that meant she would go through my phone, my room, even my laundry bc "I bought those clothes".
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • I hated it, but I moved out at 19 and thought I kind of escaped that.
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • Fast forward to now. My therapist sometimes gives me "homework" like journaling prompts, letters to my younger self, writing out things that happened in my house, etc.
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • Some of it is really raw and honestly does not paint my mom in a great light.
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • Not like "she is evil", more like "she screamed a lot and made me feel like everything was my fault".
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • Last week I left my therapy notebook on the kitchen table when I went to shower.
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • I am staying with my parents for a couple months between apartments, so yeah, that was my bad.
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • When I came back my mom was sitting there with the notebook open, reading. She looked pissed and kind of hurt at the same time.
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • She goes "So THIS is what you tell your therapist about me? After everything Ive done for you?" Then she demanded I let her read all of it "so she can defend herself" and said she has a right to know what she is paying for.
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • I took the notebook out of her hands and said "No, this is private, you do not get to be in my therapy." She started yelling that I was ungrateful, that I let some stranger "brainwash" me, that if she is paying she needs to know what shes paying for.
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • I snapped a bit and said "If you didnt act like this maybe we wouldnt have so much to talk about in therapy".
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • Not my finest line, I admit. My dad told us both to calm down and later suggested I "just show her the normal parts" so she feels better.
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • My younger brother texted me that I was kind of cruel to say that to her face but also said mom reading my stuff was "classic her".
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • counselor writing in diary while talking to patient
    via SHVETS production

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My boyfriend says my mom is way out of line and that I should offer to keep going to therapy but start paying it myself, even if that means cutting other expenses, just so she has zero excuse to push boundaries.
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • Now my mom is giving me the cold shoulder and making comments like "Dont worry, I wont read your little secret diary again" and "Guess I am not allowed to know my own daughter".
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • She also told some relatives that I "hired a therapist to talk trash" about my family, so now I am getting weird messages about "forgiveness" and "not airing dirty laundry".
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • I do feel bad that I hurt her feelings and I get that it must s k to realize your kid has all this bottled up stuff about you.
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • But at the same time, I really, really need a space that is just mine. Therapy already helped me a lot and I dont want to start editing myself in my own head because I am afraid someone will read it.
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • So, reddit, AITA for refusing to let my mom read my therapy homework and for that comment I made when I took the notebook back?
    via UmberlynFrostell
  • Opposite Daikon8878 Now we know WHY you are in therapy.
    via Opposite_Daikon8878
  • Quietly_Me_Again NTA and yup, she's the reason you're in therapy. Good lord.
    via Quietly_Me_Again
  • Electrical-Bet-3430 NTA, your therapist will tell you that you're not if you ask her too
    via Electrical-Bet-3430
  • t-mckeldin If your mom is going to read your therapy homework, the therapy isn't going to work. So NTAH.
    via t-mckeldin
  • MamaBear2024AT Therapy is between you and your therapist no matter WHO is paying it's an invasion of privacy
    via MamaBear2024AT
  • FragrantLittleMuffin She sounds so childish and annoying getting other family members involved too
    via FragrantLittleMuffin
  • Skankyho1 NTA. Your mum doesn't get to do what she wants in this situation and she has no right to be angry with you for talking about her to your therapist.
    via Skankyho1

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family drama aita kids mother therapy siblings parenting family sister daughter money women parents children Father
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